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British Columbia, Canada

I've been having issues with depression & self harm for a while now, it's the reason why I decided not to grow this year. I've missed quite a bit of school this year because of it. In the past month I've gotten 50 stitches on my arms & legs because of cutting. I've gotten some great advice from this community in the past & I hope you all can help me again. This problem is slowly eating me alive, I need advice on how to deal with it better. Thanks.

10/16/2014 10:40:12 PM

British Columbia, Canada

P.S, I take anti depressants & speak to a mental health worker every week but it doesn't really help much.

10/16/2014 11:11:36 PM

Griffith, In

Jordan, If the medication your doctor has you on isn't working, you need to tell him so they can change it or adjust it to one that will help you,,,With what you have the right medication for you can help you have a normal lifestyle,,,When you feel these urges to hurt yourself, tell someone close to you instead of acting on them, so it can be prevented,,,You are in my prayers!!

Judy

10/16/2014 11:12:53 PM

Spring Hope, N.C. - USA

do something positive every day,

10/16/2014 11:17:37 PM

Waterville, Ohio

Confide in the people you love. friends, family or this community. Always remember you have others that love you. Do the things that you enjoy, whether that's growing or any other hobby/sport and delve into it. Atleast know, there's always someone there to listen. Already, you've made a lot of friends in this hobby, if you ever need to talk, just shoot me an email and I'll give you my number.
-Dave

10/16/2014 11:23:21 PM

Austin MN

Been down your road buddy it is hard but the friends you gave at Big pumpkins always have ur back! I know things get better :) my full name is Tanner Conway if you ever need a friend to talk to who has felt with depression

10/16/2014 11:28:54 PM

Anamosa, IA BPIowegian@aol.com

Get back to your doctor right away. Talk to family, a pastor, good friends. The main thing is don't blame yourself. It likely is a chemical imbalance that could happen to anyone. Keep track of what meds you take, what you eat, when you sleep, anything that can help your doctor figure out what is going on. If your doctor can't help, look for another one. There is no shame in having a problem, everyone has their own. Remember that you are one of God's special creations and that he loves you without reservation. All of us are pulling for you.

10/16/2014 11:29:20 PM

canal winchester ohio

First off go back to doctor to tell them it isn't working. A huge injury sent me into deep depression years ago and it took a few medication changes to find one that helped me. It helped for me to keep a daily diary of everything I did so when I did have a good day I could go back and see what I did that helped me thru that day. I also did volunteer work and when I would see the faces of people I would help I fed off that to help myself.

10/16/2014 11:37:26 PM

Minnesota

I also think it could be chemical imbalance. Do you eat healthy? You body needs nutrition for proper function, also some kind of excersise daily. Do they have medical marijuana where you live, I know it works for some. I knew a cutter, his arms and neck were all slits, he finally just quit doing it to himself, he did not like to talk about it much. Your better than that, treat yourself better.

10/17/2014 2:12:24 AM

Nottingham, UK

I agree with cancersurvivor.

Do something good for a complete stranger, help someone in need. Selfless acts give you a feel good factor, makes you proud of yourself. Can't beat that for a natural drug.

10/17/2014 7:01:55 AM

Nottingham, UK

what about talking it over with others in the same situation, if there are such groups?

10/17/2014 7:03:44 AM

South Hero, VT

Change your meds until you find one that works. Sometimes it takes a combination of meds. You may also need to change your mental health worker. Find a therapist who is trained in cognitive behavioral therapy, which is very effective in cases such as yours.

http://www.nami.org/Content/NavigationMenu/Inform_Yourself/About_Mental_Illness/About_Treatments_and_Supports/Cognitive_Behavioral_Therapy1.htm

And don't neglect your diet. Junk food will kill your mind. I just stopped drinking coffee and feel great, mentally and physically.

I'm been WAY down in the past and blamed myself for a lot of things, but that doesn't solve anything. Find a group of people who will give you support and contact them whenever you feel down, day or night.

Lastly, you CAN change the chemistry of your brain that effects emotion. Believe that. Seeking help to feel better is a sign of STRENGTH. Give yourself credit for the things you do right every day and let us know how you are doing.

Contact me if you feel the need. I've done the meds and therapy and finally realized I could help myself better without that kind of help.

minok2014@yahoo.com

10/17/2014 8:05:17 AM

Central Illinois

I have dealt with depression since I was 15 (I am 54) after trying multiple drugs for the problem I now feel the best I have ever been. Dont delay getting help, it may not come quickly but you will get there.

When you change medications it may take 3 to 6 months to decide if its the right for you that may seem like a lot of time but getting the right one will improve the rest of your life.

There is quite a big difference between short term and long term depression ,the sooner you get help the better off you will be. Having something you enjoy to do each day will help but even that can be a huge struggle to do at times, if its possible to get a pet I would, a dog would be the best. This will give you a enjoyable responsibility plus when your at your lowest it will always be there for you.

You can email me anytime you wish

10/17/2014 8:15:42 AM

East Jordan, MI

Jordon, I'm glad you are reaching out. After losing my 3 year old daughter in 1996 I was severely depressed and I agree with the others on this thread. If your doctor/meds aren't helping tell them.

Gather all of the things that you can hurt yourself with and give them to someone you trust. When you feel like you must hurt yourself call a friend or pastor or doctor, and tell them you need help to get past the moment.

If there is someone in your house that is the root of your depression, do you have a way to go to someone else's house to stay for a while? (an Aunt/Uncle/Grandparent)?

Ask your doctor, or look online and see if there is a support group you can join.

Don't focus on the bad things, everyone has bad things in their life. It's how we deal with them that make us who we are.

And Danny is right, if you volunteer and do something positive for others you will feel good about helping others that are less fortunate.

Good places to volunteer
Church or food bank
Soup Kitchen
delivering food to elderly that can't get out of their house to go to the store
veteran's associations
thrift stores (not sure you have Good Will or something like that).

You are in our prayers young man. You have a long life ahead of you and everyone on this planet has a purpose in life. Your journey is to find that purpose and make a difference. I have faith that you will make it through this dark time and be a stronger person for it. Don't give up or in to the urges.

10/17/2014 8:29:58 AM

Omaha, Ne.

call me 402 612 2095

10/17/2014 8:38:38 AM

New England

I have suffered with anxiety and depression since I was very, very young but I have no experience with self harm so I cannot relate to that aspect.

I struggled with admitting I had an issue and I also struggled with family members willing to admit there was something wrong with me and I needed help. I didn't officially seek help until last year which means I have suffered with this on my own for some time.

My best advice is find a doctor and a therapist that both work for you. If they are not listening or are not following a plan of action you feel is working; find a new doctor and a new therapist. As much as a pain in the butt that may be; treatment starts with doctors and therapists that work well for you. If you feel that your medications are not helping you feel better; it's time to make a change. Just remember; it takes several months for your body to utilize any meds like these.

Take your self harm tools and give them to someone else (as mentioned above). Get them out of the house. If you feel like you need to self harm; call your doctor or your therapist or someone you trust to talk to and tell them how you are feeling and that you need help getting through that moment.

10/17/2014 9:24:05 AM

New England

Start a blog or something similar. For me; if I don't feel comfortable talking to someone face to face; writing is an escape. Youd be amazed at how sharing your story and experiences can help someone else get through something similar. So you are helping yourself by letting it out but also helping a stranger know they are not alone.

Exercise and diet. BIG factors. Eat wholesome and healthy. Eliminate the junk food and fast food; it does nothing but drain you. Find at least a half hour a day to burn off some steam with exercise. It will change your attitude and within a few weeks your energy will come back.

Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain and life situations you encounter. If something in your life is a factor: find something to escape to. For me; it's my hobbies. I escape to the barn or the pumpkin patch or I take a drive to the beach. Find a peaceful hobby that brings you happiness and joy. You need that escape to find the beauty in life everyday

Do good deeds: Buy the coffee for the person behind you in the drive through line; volunteer or collect and donate goods to those less fortunate.

We all have a purpose in life and like myself, you are young and have so much ahead of you to look forward to. Wake up everyday and seize the day; as hard as that sounds to do; have that outlook in your mind. We are stronger because of the struggles we conquer. You will make it through these rough times and there are great things in the days ahead.

If you ever need someone to talk to; shoot me an email ucalum10@yahoo.com

10/17/2014 9:24:10 AM

England, essex

I have suffered for a while myself, its a hard long road, but there is a lot of help out there,,,,,,,
just finding the right people for (you)
your medication either needs changing or they may prescribe a larger dose after a while?
medication helps me, but its not a cure, I still have my grey days, but less black days.
try to focus on things your good at, or enjoy the most ;-)
don't have a stigma or worry about what others may think,
your just a little (special) like me
Mark.

10/17/2014 10:14:40 AM

Plymouth, Mass.

I am ever reminded of the awesome community we have.

10/17/2014 12:48:00 PM

The North Coast

There is a light at the end of the tunnel and you can get there. Your mind needs time to heal. Many very good points already brought up. You got this, you can do it.

10/17/2014 1:00:53 PM

grow a pumpkin or 12
buy a fishing pole

10/17/2014 2:37:27 PM

British Columbia, Canada

Thank you everyone for your kinda words & advice, the generosity of this community never fails to amaze me.

I went to the doctor this morning & got a prescription for a new medication called Zoloft. I was previously taking Prozac. The doctor wanted me to stay at the adolescent psychiatric unit at the hospital but I'm not too sure about that.

I will be getting my own cellphone soon, but for right now if you'd like to contact me send me an email at: Jordanabbate@hotmail.com, I'd love to talk. Thanks.

10/17/2014 2:43:12 PM

South Hero, VT

Prozac is not the best med for anyone to take. Zoloft has a better rep for dealing with depression. Remember to give it a few months to work.

Reserve the psychiatric unit for emergency use--you feel you are going to hurt someone else/yourself.

List your successes at the end of each day, no matter how trivial.

And don't let the bastards of the world get you down. There are many, many of them.

10/17/2014 4:25:40 PM

South Hero, VT

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that but the really great make you feel that you too can become great. When you are seeking to bring big plans to fruition it is important with whom you regularly associate. Hang out with friends who are like-minded and who are also designing purpose-filled lives. Similarly be that kind of a friend for your friends.”
Mark Twain.

10/17/2014 4:26:29 PM

Upa Creek, MO

I'll give you my quick perspective, but I had some depression when I was in junior high after moving from a small town in Illinois to Saint Louis, Mo. I cam from a blue collar town where everyone was a farmer or had a parent work at the local refinery. Jump forward a few years and I realized the small things don't matter... it's the big picture. But, at the same time its best to think day by day or one day at a time instead of worrying about the big picture if that makes any sense. I am now 36 and was really stressing with 2 boys under 2, a mortgage, and a job I really didn't like and my old and wise sister told me "this too will pass"... old saying, so simple but is true. Best of Luck!

10/17/2014 8:43:01 PM

Deerfield, Michigan

I really think you need to contact your doctor about trying something else as far as medication goes. I'm on Zoloft and a couple others to help manage PTSD Depression and Anxiety issues. It took me years of switching meds before I found the right ones. Congrats to you for coming out and asking for help. If you ever need to just ask questions or confide in someone e-mail me. Our pumpkin community will stand by you and I'm sure many prayers are on their way.

10/17/2014 9:48:01 PM

Anamosa, IA BPIowegian@aol.com

Jordan, I have a close family member taking Zoloft. Started you out at a low dose. Takes a while for it to "kick in". Had to be increased once. It made a big difference. So if it doesn't work like it should at first, don't give up. The doctor can adjust it to work for you.

10/17/2014 9:50:23 PM

Princeton Kentucky

Jordan I know I can speak for everyone here in saying you are a True Winner for reaching out! Your already way over half way there in beating this thing. You have put a Huge Smile on my face this morning from you showing your courage in doing so! I too know what depression is like. In 2006 I found myself on life support in an er because my airway shut off on me at home 3 days following a 4th spinal reconstruction. Put on life support I was air flighted down to St Louis and ever since my left arm is in so much pain it is hard to describe. Every morning around 1 to 3 am I find that Union Pacific has parked one of their trains on my left arm. I have dreams of being injured over and over in some fashion all the time only to wake up and find its that left arm. I have even begged my doctors to recommend having that arm removed but they tell me the pain will still be there, (phantom pain). Jordan I am closing in the worlds record for most broken coffee mugs dropped by someone with a bum left arm,lol. Jordan, I use to get depressed like others did constantly but buddy I can tell you when I think about how it could be without my daughter and other family and freinds both around me here and good people like you here on BP.com, it puts a huge smile on my face and keeps me goin all day. Thats why I love to grow these pumpkins and melons, it makes it all go away. Thats why my diary keeps goin on with the grafting through the winter months, It fills the voids and keeps me in a positive light. I use a tens unit, (Electrical Stimulation Device). It relieves pain but it also relieves my anguish and anxiety. Ask your doctor, more and more people with depression issues are using them. It will melt you like butter and make you relax. I run mine 15-20 minutes at a time and still feel it an hour after shutting it off. You can wear it. This Tens unit changed my life. I'll send you out a message this mornin after I add to the coffee mug pile. Take Care Buddy

10/18/2014 7:46:26 AM

Central Illinois

Have blood tests done if possible,low B vitamin can worsen depression,its not corrected by pill vitamins but a monthly shot. Usually you can get them on a quick walk in , no appointment.

I dont know if your male or female, sorry but you may want to see if you have low testosterone that may be giving you a roller coaster of emotions too

10/18/2014 10:12:57 AM

Menomonie, WI (mail@gr8pumpkin.net)

Vitamin D

10/18/2014 10:20:35 AM

Massillon, Ohio

Jordan, Please know that you are an important part of our pumpkin growing community. You are quick to step up and recognize the accomplishments of others. You have been sincere, polite, and show an eagerness to learn. I, along with many others, are happy to consider you a friend. What a blessing that you have reached out, and another blessing that others, who have walked in your shoes, are reaching back to you.

I suggest that you make a list of the email addresses and phone numbers that have been offered by these people who will talk to you. And make a committment to yourself that you will contact them when times are bad. We have no idea of your support system, so be sure to accept some conversation with those who have offered.

I agree with baitman and Linus. Perhaps you have already had a blood analysis...if not, you should. Low levels of B12, D3, iron, thyroid function, can get a body all out of whack! Baitman is correct...a mulit-vitamin capsule can't correct deficiency levels.

God bless you. We care about you. Glenna

10/18/2014 11:12:58 AM

Central NY

Jabby-
Listen to Nana Rea..and add me to that email list.. I've got lots of advice..in the meantime get yer fall prep done and hang in there...sounds like it could only get better...looks like you've got some decent support right here..

10/18/2014 12:00:42 PM

Central NY

And I call u jabby because that's your name when I read your posts to my wife...good stuff

10/18/2014 12:04:28 PM

North Smithfield, RI

A lot of good advice here Jordan . God bless you and go for the gold ! Another hobbie besides growing GP would help . Jogging, or just walking or hiking renews the spirit . You have beautiful country out there in BC ! Having a support group helps too !!! Best of luck to you JA !

10/18/2014 3:36:56 PM

Kentucky, U.S.A.

Jordan, I haven't got to keep up with the posts daily, but my hat is off to you, and bigpumpkins.com! Not going to try to add anything to the fantastic care and concern your friends here have shared, we are very proud of you! Email checked daily, dbr777vet@att.net , phone@ 270-535-6854.
We got your back!

10/18/2014 5:30:08 PM

Mnt.pleasant ,tennessee

Jordan
Everybody has chemicals that trigger happiness,sadness,anger ect.so I don't believe in taking pills to change how a person thinks.you got to change what is keeping the chemical going..such as women problems..family problems..the hell of highschool & the nonsense..got a twenty year story I can tell you.

10/19/2014 8:08:49 AM

Goodwood, Ontario, Canada

Jordan I always enjoy your posts. The best advice I can give is to get yourself an indoor sunshine room where you can grow some plants. I spend about an hour in my indoor sunshine room each morning while I sip my coffee and tend to my plants. It's the best part of the day. All the best.

10/19/2014 8:47:30 AM

Sequim, WA

You are clearly not alone in this, many of us have had to deal with this as well. Some good advice has been given here. All I can add is what has helped me is supplementing with 5000 units of vitamin D every day and 5HTP. I get the stuff at Costco. Do a little homework on these. You live in a region where your body cannot get enough sunlight to make as much D as you need and it is essential to our well being a number of ways. Daily exercise could prove to be a big help as well.

10/19/2014 2:48:57 PM

British Columbia, Canada

Thank you so much everyone! I can always count on pumpkin growers for support. Thanks again :)

10/19/2014 3:25:09 PM

Zurich, Ontario Canada

First off. Good for you in admitting there is a problem. Educate yourself. I don"t think I will ever figure out why depression is seen any different than other serious disease. for instance, if someone has a heart attack people have a major reaction. But if you tell someone you are depressed they look at you as if your crazy. depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. you can't help that!! Being around people who truly understand will help you more than you can imagine. Depression is a serious disease. It causes physical pain, emotional pain, anxiety, and yes, sometimes death. Take this seriously because it is serious. I hope you see improvement soon. I really feel for you. Ive been through this hell, but it does get better. It really does. Take care.

10/19/2014 6:57:44 PM

Brooklyn Corner, Nova Scotia

Jordan, you certainly are not alone. A big chunk of my job is attending fatality crash scenes and the effects are cumulative. Talk, talk, talk, and don't take this on alone. The advice given is spot on.

10/19/2014 9:37:47 PM

Anamosa, IA BPIowegian@aol.com

Jordan, another therapy to try along with your medicine is acupuncture. I have an amazing acupuncture doctor. He is a family practice MD, Iowa graduate, who studied acupuncture at Stanford and with his father. His father is a MD from Korea who learned acupuncture to go along with traditional medicine. It stimulates your body's natural healing system, corrects over active immune systems and helps your body correct chemical imbalances. They tell you to keep up the regular medicine as it is good, but acupuncture works well with it. He has done great with my arthritis. He cured my daughter's autoimmune skin condition after years of unsuccessful medicines. My 85 year old father is getting treatments at a different clinic and is feeling and sleeping better. It is amazing how calm and relaxed you feel after a treatment. He treats lots of conditions and depression is one of them. If you can find a good acupuncture doctor I believe it is worth a try. The Chinese have been using it successfully for thousands of years.

10/20/2014 12:12:01 AM

New Richmond WI

Jordan, I will be praying for you and your needs. Love being sent your way !!!

10/21/2014 12:55:59 AM